Personal Transition

January 6th, 2006

So right now I am sitting on a plane that is headed for Dublin, Ireland. I am cramped behind a seat that is reclined to its max. I have my tray down, and am listening to Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory in the airplane headphones. Every once in a while I look up to see some crazy child making some mistake, misjudging the value of candy. Interesting and quite hypothetical, I would say. Not really about candy but more about instruction and respect. I enjoy it except for one thing. The new movie completely leaves out Charlie’s mistake that he makes with his grandfather, a staple in the original film that brings home the point about obedience and our individual accountable to a supreme being. This idea seems to be replaced by a spin that the new movie tries to throw on the importance of family. Acceptable but it ends up being very predictable.

However, the point of this journal has little to do with Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, and more with my trip to Northern Ireland. I was fortunate enough to land a seat on my 5 hour flight (Newark to Dublin), next to a guy that actually attends Queen’s College in Belfast (this is the university that we are going to be “staying” with). He is presently taking classes in Portland but is taking a break to go home. He is arriving in Dublin and then is going to look for a bus ride to Belfast. I am hoping there will be a way for us to take him along since we are going to be practically going straight to Queen’s. It would be nice to save him some money and it would also be nice to continue a “friendship”.

I understand that my posts have not ever been personal before. Well I guess I change that now as I am going to be looking for a place to journal and document what I learn and experience in this country.

Now for the personal in depth analyzation of myself, albeit a depiction of my egoistic nature. I still call myself a Christian. I feel like as a Christian, my worldview should include much more room for God than I have given Her or Him. My life has not been completely void of the idea of the orthodox perspective of a God, although my view has seemed to form with echoes of deistic theology. The ideas that echo are, very generally, that God created this world and everything in it, good and evil, created a scenario of redemption that includes promoting the creators need for acceptance of the creator. I feel like this was scripted in the shape of a sacrifice, a sacrifice that we should view as a true sacrifice and therefore something that makes the creator worthy to be praised and respected.

Many people would say that this is not Christianity at all and I imagine that is a fine judgment to make. I do not want to base my beliefs on titles or even affiliations. I would question the one that pushes for my excommunication from the body of Christianity on what basis it is that they believe what they believe. Then I would ask if they did not have that reason, could they still believe… and with a guaranteed answer of “no” I imagine some understanding in my present struggle would have to be manifested, and also, hopefully through that understanding they might see that my questions are asked in order to move me in the direction of a similar belief of what they feel, for I do not have that belief as of yet.

So much for my defensive banter. Big issues have brought me to where I am, big issues with small decisions about those issues. Some of these issues are large issues in Northern Ireland right now. This is the basis for my excitement for my trip: not based on the idea of learning the culture and struggles of this great people that has minor differences, but primarily to let my egoistic nature shine and allow for my own construction to continue through their struggles and readjoinment.

Well we still have 1768 miles left to go,.. we are currently hovering over miles of water and are still only about a third of the way there. Given everything goes well, I will post this online. However with so much time left I have promised myself that I would close my computer when my battery reaches 45%. After an hour of intense work on my portfolio my battery is closing in on that point. I look forward to any responses you may have for me, and I hope that now that this is personal you don’t a) criticize me personally too much, and b) don’t fear responding openly with questions or issues that you can think of about my theories.

Anne Lammott writes…
“I try to listen for God’s voice inside me, but my sense of discernment tends to be ever so slightly muddled. When God wants to get my attention, She clears Her throat a number of times, trying to get me to look up, or inward-and then if I don’t pay attention, She rolls Her eyes, makes a low growling sound, and starts kicking me under the table with Her foot.”

I don’t have this kind of faith right now. It seems appealing, and maybe (for all of those out there that are already sending up prayers for my soul) I will discover something like that somewhere on this trip. Cheers…


Anonymous said…
Hey darl’en
Lots of things to think about! I am looking forward to reading these blogs and the Calvin website to keep on top of your responses and thoughts. I am learning from your experiences as you comment on them. Keep up the honest banter.

10:52 AM  
Reshae said…
hey bud. love the post…keep ’em coming! i am in rochester after a long day of travel…and am headed to bed, but will email you tomorrow.

love ya!

3:04 PM  
Anonymous said…
my love,
i do not assume to know you, or to know where you are. in fact, i think that knowing you is so far from true at this moment (which i hope changes!). and my comment was not a prayer for your soul. my comment was a prayer for your struggle. you mean the world to me, and you have my complete and utmost respect. if only i was able to be so clear with what i feel and what i struggle with. and believe me, there are stuggles for me as well. we don’t always agree, but your pursuit for who you are and who you are to be is a reason for my complete admiration. i do pray for you- that this trip does answer questions, or does not answer questions as need be, and that it opens to you new perspectives and experiences in your faith.
thanks for your honesty. i’m eager to read more.
i love you so much.

7:28 AM  
Anonymous said…
As usual, I am going to affirm you. I know that you are in a constant struggle with what you believe when it comes to God and Christianity(and just about everything else;). Is that such a bad thing? I would almost argue that we should be praying for the souls that aren’t struggling with that. What good is it to believe in something without knowing why you believe it? Sure, it may result in a happier way of life, an easier way of life, but it would be a choice of ignorance. One that I am sure you would never choose. The gist? I think you are way ahead of me in terms of “my worldview should include much more room for God than I have given Her or Him” simply because you are opening your mind and thoughts to question your beliefs and what you base those beliefs on. This is much more than many people could offer and are willing to offer to God. I’m still thinking on the rest of it, but wanted to give a little affirmation:) Much Love.

9:04 PM  

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